Living with Grief

Grey Matters By Annette Gerdes, General Manager,

Goderich Place Retirement Residence

As the days grow shorter and the leaves begin to turn, autumn reminds us of life’s seasons. The bright colors eventually fade, and the trees let go of what they can no longer hold. In many ways, grief is much the same — a letting go, a change in rhythm, and an adjustment to a world that feels different than before.

Grief is one of those universal experiences we all wish we could avoid, yet none of us can. It is the price we pay for love and connection. For many, grief arrives suddenly — with the loss of a family member, friend, or neighbor. For others, it comes slowly, as we watch someone we love change due to illness, or as life circumstances shift around us.

In our later years, grief often becomes a frequent companion. It may come in the form of losing lifelong friends, spouses, or siblings. It may show up when we downsize from a cherished home filled with memories, or when health changes alter the independence we once had. Each of these losses matters, and each one deserves to be acknowledged.

As someone with a nursing background, I’ve learned that grief takes many shapes. Nurses,

caregivers, and professionals often see it so frequently that we sometimes grow desensitized. We learn to keep moving forward, caring for the next person, and we can forget just how heavy grief feels for those living in the middle of it. I remind myself often that while I may see loss regularly, for each family it is unique, personal, and deeply felt. It is important to pause, to truly recognize someone’s grief, and to offer the compassion it deserves.

From years of caring for others, I’ve also seen that grieving often unfolds in stages — not rigid steps, but natural experiences that help us move through the loss:

1. Pause and Feel – At first, grief may feel overwhelming, or even numb. Allow yourself to

pause, take a breath, and simply acknowledge your feelings without judgment.

2. Share Your Heart – Talk, write, or reminisce about the person you’ve lost. Sharing

memories and emotions with others can lighten the weight and remind us we are not

alone.

3. Sit with Your Emotions – Anger, guilt, or sadness may surface. It is okay to feel them.

Sitting with your emotions helps you process and understand your grief.

4. Seek Comfort – Lean on friends, family, support groups, or even quiet routines that

bring you peace. Small acts of comfort — a cup of tea, a walk in the garden, or listening

to music — can be powerful.

5. Find New Rhythms – As time passes, gently adjust to life without your loved one. New

routines, hobbies, or connections can provide purpose and hope without forgetting the

past.

6. Honour and Remember – Eventually, grief softens. Memories can bring warmth instead

of pain. Many people find comfort in symbols or “signs” that remind them of their loved

one — a dime found on the sidewalk, a favorite song, or a bird that appears at just the

right time. For me, whenever I hear the chirp of a cricket, I think of my grandmother.

And sometimes, when I think of her, a cricket seems to appear. These connections can

bring peace, reminding us that love continues in small, everyday ways.

Grief, while painful, is rooted in love. We grieve deeply because we have loved deeply. Over

time, the sharpness of loss softens, and memories can begin to bring comfort rather than only sorrow.

If you are living with grief, please know you are not alone. Reach out. Talk about your loved

one. Share stories. And when you feel ready, allow joy back in — not as a betrayal of the past, but as a way of honouring it.

Grief is a journey, not a destination. By supporting one another with kindness and compassion, we can carry it together.

– Annette Gerdes, General Manager & Nurse